i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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