i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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