Screwed.edu
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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