I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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