dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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