So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
