please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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