Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
