Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
