he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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