im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
