how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shame - the story of my life.
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