when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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