the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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