I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize