Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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