Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
