I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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