i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
