This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
where am i from again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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