i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
