i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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