ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
