Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
