yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
