If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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