fuck your aforementioned shoe
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
