I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
