areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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