Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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