How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Randomize
