I am midnight drunk by noon
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
