How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
