omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
