He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
