woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
