2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
