her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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