I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The best revenge is premature balding
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
