i just had sex bonerless
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
