After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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