and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
