I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
