I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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