I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
