i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
