yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
