grandma shit on top of the toilet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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