would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
