totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
