Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
organizing the empties. That sober.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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