Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
