He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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