I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
