Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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