I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
