woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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