you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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