So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
