matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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