I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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