Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
