I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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